Through Her Eyes
by toledo girl
Summary: A look at Margaret's life through her eyes.
1. Chapter 1

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-11 A Phone Call

Margaret sat in her tent with Sydney Freedman. There was a weirdness in the silence that had hit the air. Margaret knew why he was there. Not because she was crazy or mad. But because she was sad. Sad for what was now going on a week straight. She sat on her cot as she looked down at her hands. She didn't know why, but she really didn't want to have much eye contact with Dr. Freedman. It was like they were saying she was crazy, but Sydney had already confirmed that she wasn't. 

"What happened to cause you to be depressed?" Sydney asked.

Margaret just stared for the longest time down at her hands nervously playing with them. She had really never opened up to people. She had to let others in, right now she know that if she didn't she might get sent home. Margaret finally looked up at Sydney. His face looked understanding. 

"Well, I guess about last month. See I had just been told that my father had had a heart attack," Margaret said.

(_Margaret was sitting in her tent with Frank as he was whining to her about something that his wife done._

"_Margaret," he whined._

"_Frank. I told you not to mention her," Margaret said bitterly._

_There was a knock at the door. An irritated Margaret went over to the door and opened it._

"_What is it?" she asked._

_It was Hawkeye standing there. She was used to seeing him standing there with a smirk on his face, like he was thinking. She didn't like him to look at her that way, but it was weird to see him standing there with his face completely straight. He almost looked sorry. That was the look that made Margaret nervous._

"_Are you alone?" he asked with his face completely straight._

"_Why?" she asked._

_Even though his face was straight, she still had no idea what was going on in his head._

"_I have a message for you and I think that you should be alone when you hear it. I don't care if Frank's in here, just tell him to leave for a couple of minutes. Then I'll leave. I promise," Hawkeye said._

_The serious tone in his voice made her realize that something was terrible wrong. Margaret just sighed and looked back at Frank._

"_Frank? Can I have a minute?" Margaret asked._

"_Why? So you two can get friendly with each other?" Frank asked._

"_Frank!" Margaret snapped._

"_Alright, but don't say I didn't warn you," Frank said as he got up and walked out._

_They both watched as Frank left. Hawkeye then stepped in and closed the door. Margaret looked up. There was a sorrow in his eyes. At first Margaret figured that maybe one of the patients had something wrong, but he wouldn't send Frank away for that. _

"_I was just over at Colonel Potter's office. I was asking for a weekend pass to Tokyo. While I was there he got a phone call. Your father is at the hospital. He had a massive stroke and they don't think that he'll make it," Hawkeye said._

_Margaret just stood there and looked down. She had never heard something like that about her father. She was used to looking up to him as a strong individual. Some one you could always respect. It was hard for her to hear that he was just lying there in a hospital bed slowly dieing. She didn't want Hawkeye to see her cry so she bit her lip. She could tell that Hawkeye was awaiting her reaction._

"_I see," Margaret said trying to keep her voice steady._

"_I thought you could use this more then I could," Hawkeye said._

_Hawkeye handed her the pass. Margaret took it and looked up at Hawkeye._

"_Thank you," she said._

"_Are you okay?" he asked._

_Margaret just nodded._

"_I'm just over in the swamp if you need anything," Hawkeye said._

_Margaret looked up and tried to force a smile at him. She knew that if she tried to talk that she would start crying._

"_I'm sorry," he said and then left._

_Margaret went to her cot and covered her face in her hands as she cried._)

"I don't think I'll ever forget hearing that," Margaret said

Margaret looked up at Sydney. The look in his eyes said it all. There was a sympathetic look to them. She really didn't want sympathy. It made her feel as if it made others see her as weak. You feel sorry for others because their lives are hard and even if they don't like them they act nice towards them. Sympathy made people phony. It made them suck up and act like they would be your friend even if things were going great. Margaret just looked over towards the door. She could hear others outside just going on with what they usually did. Some going over to the mess tent, while others tossed a football back and forth. She just sighed as she looked back at Sydney.

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	2. Chapter 2

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-12 Daddy

"So like most people you were close to your father," Sydney said.

"I always have been. My whole life all I wanted to do was to make him proud of me," Margaret said.

"I hated to disappoint him. As a matter of fact when I was five I promised to join the army," Margaret said.

(_Margaret was five years old. Her and her father were sitting outside of their house out on the porch. It was night time and they were looking at the stars in the sky._

"_The people who fly the planes have to know all the stars so that they always know where they are and can get back," Alvin said._

"_How can they tell them apart?" Margaret asked._

"_I don't know. I guess once you learn something it just comes easy," Alvin said._

"_Is it hard being in the army?" Margaret asked._

"_It takes a lot of courage, I'll tell you that. But it's just like anything else, you just have to do your best and make sure you know what your doing," Alvin said._

"_When I grow up I'm going to be in the army," Margaret said._

"_They don't let girls in the army honey," Alvin said._

"_I'll find a way to get in some how. I promise," Margaret said._)

"I was determined to follow in his footsteps," Margaret said.

"When we're little we all want to be like our parents," Sydney said.

"True, but I actually went through with it," Margaret said.

Margaret wasn't sure what to think about this. She was thinking about her childhood now. There were times that her and her father fought and there were times they got along. She was human. But she couldn't help thinking that her childhood was messed up. There was a part of her that wanted to forget about all that. That wanted to forget the fights, forget leaving friends that she had made and then getting teased at the new school. She wanted to forget her childhood.

"I'm sure that didn't always want to though," Sydney said.

"No I didn't," Margaret said.

(_Margaret was seventeen. She stood in the living room facing her father. They were both very angry at each other._

"_You can't run my life forever!" Margaret yelled._

"_But right now I can! Now you get your ass over here!" Alvin yelled._

_Margaret had a tear streaked face._

"_No! Joey asked me to marry him. That is the only question that I've gotten that has two choices. With you it's always just got to be what you decide. Well I'm sick of it!" Margaret yelled._

"_Maybe that's because I'm your father! I'm supposed to tell you what to do!" Alvin yelled._

_Margaret just shook her head and went out the door._)

Margaret sat there. She was so mad at her father when he told her no. She always wanted to do what she wanted, and usually she was able to. Joey had meant a lot to her. He to had a father in the service and knew what it was like to move around. Margaret bit her lip and looked up at Sydney.

"I was angry at him. Joey had proposed and my daddy said no for me. I wanted more then anything to go off and marry him," Margaret said.

"Do you still think that you should have?" Sydney asked.

Margaret thought about it. Probably not. If she would have she would be some where else and she would not have joined the army. Then again if she would have married him she could be sitting in a house with children saying to herself that if she wouldn't have married him that she would be stuck here and thankful that wasn't.

"I honestly don't know," Margaret said.

"All I know that I didn't and my father was mad at me when I came back," Margaret said.

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	3. Chapter 3

3 Childhood Lovers

"Joey was just one of those people that you date. At first you absolutely love them but then a month you later you find some one else that you like," Margaret said.

"But I guess there was something special about him. I mean he was the perfect boyfriend. He was nice, smart, strong, everything. Almost too perfect," Margaret said.

Margaret just sat there and thought for a moment. She once held these memories very close to her and now she suddenly realized that all these things really did was mess up her life. It seemed like it had just happened when it had really been about twenty years. She wondered what had ever happened to Joey. He was the most serious boyfriend that she had had. Ever since then it was just a bunch of little romances that only amused her for a couple nights.

(_ Margaret was seventeen. She and Joey sat out on his back porch as the orange glow from the sun set illuminated the air. They had just gotten back from a walk. Margaret still had a flower in her hair that he had given her. Joey had seemed quiet all day and Margaret noticed this._

"_Is there something wrong?" she asked._

_Joey just looked up. His light hair seemed to glow from the sun light behind him. She would never forget that look in his eyes. He looked so guilt stricken and apologetic. _

"_My father just got transferred to Fort Dix in New Jersey. We're moving sometime this week," he said._

_Margaret and Joey had been dating since she had first got there six months ago. She was just suddenly hit with the news like a bombshell. Her eyes watered. The person that she had become closest to was now leaving her._

"_Do you know how many days you have until you move?" Margaret asked._

_Joey just shook his head. He then looked up and his face started to light up a bit. The face he always had when ever he had an idea. _

"_But I do have an idea," he said._

_Margaret looked up with interest._

"_I'm seventeen, and you're seventeen. That's only one year until we're eighteen and can do any thing we want. What do you say we run away and get married," he said._

_Margaret didn't know what to say to this. She wanted to, but in the back of her head she knew that her father wouldn't like the idea._

"_I don't think that my daddy," she started but was cut off by Joey._

"_Look, I can learn to live with it if YOU don't want to get married, but don't say no because of you're father. Besides, he can't rule your life forever," Joey said._

_Margaret thought about that. He was right. Her daddy couldn't always tell her what to do. Especially now. She wasn't going to let anything in the way of this. She looked up and smiled at him._

"_Let's do it," she said._

_Joey smiled and they kissed._

_The next day was Saturday. Margaret was sitting in the room with her younger sister Maria._

"_Maria," Margaret said._

_Maria looked over towards her._

"_Yeah?" she asked._

"_Today is the last day that I'll be living with you," Margaret said._

_Margaret watched Maria to see how she would react. Maria just stared at her with interest._

"_Oh?" she asked._

"_You know Joey?" Margaret asked._

"_Of course," Maria said._

"_Well, he asked me to run away with him and get married," Margaret said._

_Maria softly smiled as she walked over to Margaret._

"_Are you serious?" Maria asked._

"_Yes," Margaret said._

"_Good luck," Maria said._

_Margaret knew that Maria would like the idea. The only problem was getting past her father. She knew to sneak out in the middle of the night, but what if he found her? She would be in so much trouble. Margaret just decided to tell her parents at dinner. That way if they were mad, they would know where she was and wouldn't go out looking._

_That night every thing was normal. They were talking and laughing. The whole time Margaret was nervous. She didn't know how to bring it up._

"_What would you say if I said that I wanted to move out?" Margaret blurted out._

_Both her parents just stared at her and tried to figure out what was going on._

"_Why?" Alvin asked._

"_Joey. Joey and I want to go and get married," Margaret said._

"_No Margaret," Katherine said._

"_But mom," Margaret said._

"_No!" Alvin yelled._

"_Daddy!" Margaret said._

_Margaret knew that this would happen but she didn't care anymore. She stood up and threw her napkin down and went to the door. Alvin followed her to the door and angrily stood by her._

"_Don't you dare try," he warned._

"_You can't run my life forever!" Margaret yelled._

"_But right now I can! Now you get your ass over here!" Alvin yelled._

_Margaret had a tear streaked face._

"_No! Joey asked me to marry him. That is the only question that I've gotten that has two choices. With you it's always just got to be what you decide. Well I'm sick of it!" Margaret yelled._

"_Maybe that's because I'm your father! I'm supposed to tell you what to do!" Alvin yelled._

_Margaret just shook her head and went out the door. She wiped her eyes as she walked over to Joey's house. She knew that his parents wouldn't like the idea either, but at least now she had Joey and her sister who happy for them. That was all she needed. Margaret arrived at the house and stepped onto the porch. The whole house was dark. She tried knocking on the door. _

"_Joey," she called._

_No one there. She opened the door and peeked in._

"_No," she said._

_She stood in the doorway to find all the furniture gone. She now felt as lonely as any one could ever feel. She just left her family for a boy who couldn't even stay a week with her. Now Joey was gone and she couldn't go home._)

"And he just left," Margaret said.

"Why did you listen to him in the first place?" Sydney asked.

"I don't know. I was a young kid in love," Margaret said.

Margaret had hated that night and never did forget it. She had always held a grudge with Joey, but also was mad at herself for being so naive. 


	4. Chapter 4

4 Her Own Problems

It was starting to get dark out as the camp quieted down. Margaret sat on her cot as she looked down at the ground and fiddled with her thumbs. 

"So the only one you had left was your sister," Sydney said.

Margaret just looked up at him with regret in her eyes. Full of sorrow, she shook her head.

"She was, but she had problems of her own and I didn't want to add to them," Margaret said.

(_Margaret was sixteen. Her and Maria were two years apart. It was dark out. She knew that Maria was over with her boyfriend and went over to go tell her that their dad wanted her to come home. Maria didn't know that Margaret was coming to pick her up. Margaret walked up to the house and knocked on the door. Derek, Maria's boyfriend came to the door._

"_What is it?" he asked sounding irritated._

_Margaret just looked him over. She didn't like the way this looked. She figured that they probably got into a fight about something._

"_Is Maria here? I'm her sister Margaret," she said._

"_Oh," Derek said._

_Maria came up from behind Derek. Margaret's heart suddenly fell. Maria stood there with her nose bleeding and a bruise on the side of her face._

"_Margaret," Maria said as she quickly tried to wipe the blood from her face._)

Margaret just sat there. She felt guilty about their time in Texas. The whole time they were there Maria was with Derek. Her parents did notice Maria coming home with bruises, but Maria could always find a quick lie to convince them.

"That was the night that I found out what was really going on," Margaret said.

"I remember the night that she came to me and told me," Margaret said.

(_Margaret was sitting in her room doing her home work. She had to do something to keep her mind off of Maria who had out earlier that night and hadn't come back yet. She was nervous that one of these nights she might not come back. Margaret had continually try to stop her from going, but Maria wouldn't listen. It was getting late. Her parents had already gone to bed. Margaret just sighed as she closed her book. She was about ready to go and get Maria herself. There was a knock on the door. Margaret went over and opened it. There stood Maria. Black eyed, tear stricken, and in clothes that were torn._

"_I bet you'll never guess what Derek decided to finally do tonight," Maria said through tears._

"_Oh God," Margaret said._

_She went over and embraced Maria as she cried._)

"And earlier that evening I told her that she would deserve everything that she would get," Margaret said with her eyes staring to water.

(_ Maria walked into Margaret's room._

"_Hey Mags," Maria said._

"_Hey," Margaret said looking over at her._

_Margaret dreaded hearing Maria's next words. She knew what was coming. It made her sick to know that her little sister would let her self be put through that._

"_What are you doing with Derek tonight?" Margaret asked sourly._

_Maria just looked at her._

"_He only hurts me when I don't listen," Maria said._

"_What does he want you to do?" Margaret asked._

"_Little things. He tells me to sneak beer for him and his buddies. You know, forge his mom's signature on certain things for school," Maria said._

_Margaret just sighed. Sure, it didn't sound that bad right now, but she had to see her face when she walked in the door. She had to look into the eyes of the once happy little child that used to completely follow in her footsteps and see the sadness and pain. She had to help cover the cuts and bruises with make up._

"_Don't go tonight," Margaret said._

"_What?" Maria asked._

"_You heard me. Don't go," Margaret said._

"_Margaret," Maria said._

"_Why do you want to go anyways?" Margaret asked._

"_All he does is bully you around! I know you. You've never had any problems making good friends. Why would you go down to this?" Margaret asked._

"_Do you honestly think that he was like this when we met? When we met he was a straight A student and a decent guy. He held doors open for me and carried my books! I don't know why this started, but I stay with him because if I don't he'll come after me," Maria said._

"_Go tell that to daddy. Sure he might be mad, but he won't let that creep hurt you," Margaret said._

"_I still have to go to school with that creep!" Maria said._

"_Please don't go tonight," Margaret said._

"_Why does it matter to you?" Maria asked._

"_Matter to me? I sit here wondering whether or not you'll be coming home! Do you know how it feels to think that some one won't come home? Do you know how it feels to know that some one's getting punished for no reason and there's nothing you can do about it?" Margaret asked._

"_It's not your job to worry about me," Maria said._

"_Fine, be that way. Just know that you deserve anything that you get tonight," Margaret said._)

Margaret sat on the cot near tears. She had never meant it. There was actually no reason to say that to her sister. She had always felt bad about that and always will. How ironic it was for her to mention something like that the night that Maria gets raped. 

"I didn't mean to. I'd never wish that upon her," Margaret said.

"You know, we all say things out of anger that we regret," Sydney said.

"But still, you don't say that to your sister," Margaret said.


	5. Chapter 5

5 Mommy Dearest

"All I know is that if she would have told our dad that he would have helped her," Margaret said.

"You seem to really put your father up on a pedestal," Sidney said.

Margaret looked up and smiled. That was true. Ever since she was little she looked up to him and wanted to do everything that he did. She really did believe that he was able to do anything.

"Yeah," she said as she faintly smiled.

"I hear all these things about your father, but I haven't heard anything about your mother yet," Sidney said.

Margaret's smile faded from her face. Her and her mother did not get along that well. They were complete opposites. She did love her mom, it's just that they could never be in the same room for fifteen minutes with out an argument starting. Margaret just looked up into his eyes with hers full of sadness. She felt regretful about how she and her mother had gotten along, but there really wasn't anything she could do about it. The thing that made her feel the worst was that part of her blamed her mom for the divorce. She could remember that night clearly and doubted that she would ever forget it.

(_Margaret was eight. She and her sister sat in the living room as they played go fish. _

"_Go fish," Margaret said as she laid the pair of cards down on the table._

_Maria just looked over the cards._

"_You cheated," Maria said._

"_How?" Margaret asked._

"_You mean you didn't hade cards in your sleeve?" Maria asked._

_Margaret just looked at her with confusion._

"_How'd you know?" she asked._

"_I didn't. But now I do," Maria said as she smiled._

_Margaret glared at her. She hated being tricked, especially by some one who was younger then her. No matter what, Margaret had always liked the feeling of authority and she felt that she should be in charge of her sister._

"_Fine," she said._

_Their mother, Marilyn, came down the stairs with a man and led him to the door and kissed him good bye. Margaret watched as she saw her smile as she watched the man leave. She knew that there was something wrong with this, but didn't know what it was. Marilyn turned and saw Margaret watching._

"_That was one of mommy's friends. He's a friend from school," Marilyn said._

"_Oh," Margaret said._

"_But you can't tell daddy about him. Okay?" Marilyn asked._

"_Why not?" Margaret asked._

"_Because honey, men are easily jealous and there's nothing to be jealous of and I don't want him mad for no reason," Marilyn said._

_Margaret knew what jealousy was and knew how it felt. She did hate that feeling and understood why mommy didn't want daddy jealous. That night Marilyn came up to tuck Margaret and Maria in. Marilyn got over to Margaret's bed. She sat down on her bed and looked down at Margaret as she wiped the hair back from her face and kissed her forehead. That was the last time that she had really truly seen her mother. The small light glowed on her face. As they got older Margaret could see a huge resemblance between Marilyn and Maria. _

"_Good night Maggie. I love you," she said._

"_Love you to mommy," Margaret said._

_Marilyn just smiled down at Margaret. There was something about that smile. Like she was sorry. She saw Marilyn do the same thing with Maria. Marilyn got up and turned the light out and then slowly walked out closing the door behind her._

"_Good night Maggie," Maria said._

"_Good night Maria," Margaret said as she tried to listen._

_Margaret heard her mom close her bedroom door. Margaret quietly got out of bed and went over to the door._

"_What are you doing?" Maria asked as she sat up._

"_Nothing. Stay here," Margaret said._

_Maria sat in her bed and watched as Margaret left. She went across the hall and sat down as she leaned her head against the door. She could hear her parents._

"_How dare you?" Alvin angrily yelled._

"_I wouldn't have if you were around more," Marilyn said._

"_You knew what was going to happen when you married me. You knew that I'd be gone a lot," Alvin said._

"_Just because I know it doesn't mean I like it," Marilyn said._

"_Then why the hell did you get married to me?" Alvin asked._

"_Maybe because I loved you," Marilyn said._

_Margaret just sat there and cried as she listened to the rest of it._)

"And that morning daddy told us that mommy had just gone away to go visit some one. They ended up getting divorced. The reason we stayed with my father was because my mom had run away with the man that she was dating earlier. She would come around to us on our birthdays and Christmas and we sometimes stayed with her in the summer. But my daddy ended up meeting Janice," Margaret said.

(_Margaret was nine. She and Maria sat in the kitchen as Alvin talked to them. Margaret always hated this._

"_Now girls, daddy found a lady that he likes, but first he wants to make sure that you get along with her. This weekend I have to go away. Now it's only over night. Now you two are going to stay with Janice," he said._

_Margaret hated this. She had been left with a couple of his girlfriends before. Sure, some of them were nice, but they were there to replace her mother._

_Saturday morning Janice came over. Margaret and Maria stood side by side at the door as they watched her come in. They watched as she was extremely nice to the father. Margaret just sighed as she watched this. She looked over and saw Maria looking down. Margaret put her arm around her and Maria looked up and faintly cracked a forced smile then looked back down._

"_Bye girls," Alvin said._

_Alvin went over and hugged and kissed each of them and then left. Margaret and Maria stood there and watched Janice._

"_Hello you two," Janice said._

_There was something about her that neither Margaret nor Maria trusted. _

"_Well, I like your daddy and I really don't care what you two brats think about me," Janice said._

_Margaret and Maria just exchanged looks of nervousness. The rest of the day, they both stayed in their room and away from her. That night though, they went down to dinner. They both sat there and stayed quiet as they all ate dinner. _

"_You, the older one," Janice said._

"_Margaret," Margaret said._

"_Whatever. Take every one's plates to the kitchen and then both of you do the dishes," Janice said._

_Margaret stood up and took hers and Maria's plates and then walked over to Janice where she dropped the plates in her lap. Margaret's eyes widened and she stepped back with her eyes full of sorrow and fear. She could see that Janice was mad as she looked down at her skirt._

"_You little brat!" Janice said._

"_That skirt cost me a lot of money," Janice said as she stood up._

_Janice went over and grabbed Margaret's arm and led her into the kitchen and closed the door._

"_What the hell is wrong with you?" Janice asked._

"_It was an accident," Margaret said._

"_Don't you dare do it again. You understand?" Janice asked._

"_I'll try not to," Margaret said._

_Janice grabbed Margaret again and slapped her in the face._

"_Don't," Janice said and then walked out mumbling something that Margaret couldn't understand._

_Margaret stood there as she held back tears. There was no way that she was about to let that lady see her cry. The side of her face hurt as she went back out and collected the plates. Maria followed her into the kitchen and helped her with the dishes._

"_I'm sorry, I should have grabbed those dishes," Maria said._

"_It's okay," Margaret said._

"_Just put those away before she comes back in," Margaret said._

_Maria went over and grabbed a pile of plates and headed over to the cabinet. The cabinet was right behind the door and Janice slammed the door open causing Maria to fall and break the dishes. Margaret turned around and quickly ran over to Maria._

"_Go back to washing! This doesn't concern you," Janice said._

"_Don't touch her," Margaret said._

"_Do you want to get hurt again?" Janice asked._

_Margaret looked down at Maria. She knew that Maria was already hurt. There was blood in the shape of her handprint on the ground. She did not like seeing her sister get hurt by some one else. Margaret then looked up at Janice and calmly sighed._

"_Go ahead. If you want to. Just remember, every time you hit me, you give me another thing to show my daddy," Margaret said._

"_He won't believe you," Janice said._

"_Try it," Margaret said._

_Janice huffed and then walked out of the room. Margaret went and knelt down by Maria and looked at her hand._

"_Thank you," Maria said._

"_Anytime," Margaret said._

_Margaret helped her up and took her to the sink to wash her hand off._)

"I guess I blame my mom for that because I know that if she was there that whole night would have never happened," Margaret said.

"Even though you hated that night, it does seem like it brought you and your sister pretty close to each other," Sidney said.

"The time we really got close was when my father got married. He ended up marrying Katherine," Margaret said.

(_Margaret was fourteen. She stood with Maria and helped her with her dress._

"_Maggie," Maria said._

"_Yeah?" Margaret asked._

"_I don't think that daddy should marry her," Maria said._

_Margaret stopped and looked up and then walked around and faced Maria._

"_I don't either. But you have to admit, she is a decent person and she does make daddy happy," Margaret said._

"_I just wish it was mommy who made him happy," Maria said._

"_You miss her?" Margaret asked._

"_I know we actually see her a lot, but yes," Maria said._

"_Me too," Margaret said._

"_But no matter what, you can always come to me," Margaret said._

_Maria smiled at her._

"_Same here," Maria said._

_The two hugged._

"_Come on, it's time to go," Margaret said._)

"You know, I really did miss my mother. I did. I didn't like going to her wedding and then going to my daddy's wedding. It just didn't feel right. The my mom's husband died and Katherine left him because she like mother was lonely," Margaret said.


	6. Chapter 6

6 His Final Smile

It was dark out. Two hours had passed since Sidney had walked into her tent. It seemed to be getting colder out. Margaret sat on her cot with her arms wrapped around her knees.

"I took the pass that Hawkeye had given me and went to Tokyo. It was then that my mom called about my father again," Margaret said.

(_Margaret walked into her hotel room and went into the bathroom to get ready to go down to dinner. She turned the water on and stared for a moment. No matter what she did, she kept in mind why she was here. Her father was back in the states getting ready to die and she wasn't able to do anything about it. She sighed and washed her face. Once she turned the faucet off she stood and watched the water from her face drip into the sink. One of the only people that was always there for her was dying. He might have angered her and brought her down at times, but he was always there. In the darkest of nights and the brightest of days, he was there. Her mother had left her and her sister had her own life to live and her own problems. He was the only one that was always there no matter what. She looked up at herself in the mirror._

"_I am who I am because of you. Whether or not that's a good thing it's still because of you," Margaret said to herself._)

"I just had to wait until I got back to receive it," Margaret said.

(_Margaret's jeep pulled up into the compound. She thanked the driver and grabbed her things. As she headed back to her tent she watched the others. They were going on with the daily things that they always did there. It was as if nothing had happened. She walked into her tent and put her things down and laid down on her cot. There was a knock on the door and she sat up. _

"_Who is it?" she asked not really wanting visitors right now._

_Hawkeye poked his head in. She looked up and saw the same sorrowful look in his eyes as she did before she had left. _

"_Come in," she said._

_Hawkeye walked in and closed the door behind him. Margaret had an idea of what was coming. She bit her lip while nervously awaiting what he was about to say. Hawkeye looked down with a seriousness that struck her with a feeling of uneasiness._

"_We got a call from your mother back in the states," Hawkeye said._

_That was all he needed to say. Margaret's eyes watered as she stared off. Hawkeye knew that that was all he had to say. He could tell by the look on her face, even though it was as plain as could be, that she was hurt. He knew how highly she talked of her father._

"_I'm sorry Margaret," Hawkeye said._

"_Yeah," she said looking down and wiping her face._

"_I'll be over in the swamp," Hawkeye said._

"_Right," she said still in some kind of shock._

_Hawkeye watched her for a second and then left. Margaret really wasn't surprised. Right now all she felt was an emptiness. Like some thing was just taken from her. It was hard for her to really believe that it was true. That this could really happen to her own father. She just looked up at herself in her mirror._

"_Goodbye daddy," she said._)

Margaret blankly stared.

"I don't know. It was just hard. I didn't actually see him die. It's like part of me is still expecting to see him once I get back home," Margaret said.

"Do you sometimes still feel like ever calling him?" Sidney asked.

"Yeah. But I know that it won't be his voice that answers," Margaret said.

Margaret sat there. She had had to come to terms that her father had died. This was one of the only things that she had no control over and that bothered her. She wanted to have control over things. To her being in control was the only way to keep from getting hurt. She looked back on all the times that she had gotten hurt. When she moved, when friends betrayed her, when boyfriends dumped her, when people she loved died or left. If she was in control, those things wouldn't happen. If she was in control they wouldn't have moved every year. If she were in control she wouldn't let her friends betray her and her boyfriends cheat on her. Most of all, loved ones wouldn't leave her. But she knew better then that. She knew that she couldn't control the actions of others. It was impossible. Sure, she wanted to get as close to that as possible. That was one of the reasons that she was in the army. She knew that if she earned a high rank that others would have to listen to her. That she would be in charge. Everything that she was scared of were things that she couldn't control or take charge of. Margaret sighed and looked over at Sidney.

"His last words to me were "Margaret, I'm proud of you. No matter what happens or what happened in the past, I'm proud of you." Then he smiled and kissed me on the cheek. That was the last time I ever saw him. The last time I ever saw his smile," Margaret said.


	7. Chapter 7

7 The Christmas Gift

"It's not that I wasn't expecting it. It's just that I didn't want it," Margaret said.

Margaret looked down. She really didn't know how she felt. It was as if there really was no feeling. Maybe just a feeling of absence. A feeling of loss with nothing else. What is that? Depression? She didn't know. It was like trying to sum up her life in one word. Every one knew that there was no life that could be described in one word.

"The next few days I was irritable. You know, everything seemed to bother me more," Margaret said.

"Did you just jump into trying to go back to your old lifestyle or did you try to ease back into it little by little?" Sidney asked.

"I just flat out tried but I'm guessing I should have done it little by little," Margaret said.

"Have you at least started to feel a tiny bit better than you did when you first came back?" Sidney asked.

Margaret really couldn't tell. All she knew was that she wasn't herself. She looked over and saw her jewelry box sitting on her dresser. She softly smiled at it.

"There was one thing," she said.

(_Margaret sat in the mess tent. She sat alone at a table and picked at her food. She felt lonely, but didn't want to talk to any one. She sighed as she continued to pick at her food. Every thing seemed to be bothering her. The last couple of nights Frank had been trying to come over to her tent and talk to her, but she just decided to stop letting him in. The thing that angered her was that he pretended to care. She knew that Frank didn't really care. He had his wife and children and house. Why should he give a damn about her? Margaret pushed her tray off to the side and lay her head down on the table. Hawkeye and BJ walked in and saw her._

"_I think I'll go talk to her," Hawkeye said._

"_Tell her she's got a surprise waiting for her in her tent," BJ said._

"_I will," Hawkeye said._

_Hawkeye walked over and sat down across from her and gently put his hand on her arm. _

"_What is it?" she asked with out lifting her head._

"_Just wanted to see how you were doing," Hawkeye said._

_Margaret wasn't in the mood to talk to others right now, but she lifted her head anyways and looked up at him. The seriousness had left his eyes which did make her feel a bit better._

"_Fine," she said._

_Hawkeye just looked into her eyes, as if deciding what to say. Margaret decided that she would help him._

"_I'm sorry. Could you excuse me. Right now I think that I might like to be alone," Margaret said._

"_Alright," Hawkeye said._

_Margaret got up and went back to her tent. She walked in and saw something on her bed._

"_Oh my God," she said as she went over and picked it up._)

"It was this," Margaret said.

Margaret got up and went over and grabbed the jewelry box off of her dresser and took it back and sat it down in her lap.

"My father had given it to me when I was like seven," Margaret said.

"It was a Christmas gift," she said.

Margaret smiled softly as she looked it over. It was a medium sized oak box with hand painted pink roses on the top. She opened the top and pulled out a letter.

"My father's letter is still in here," she said.

Margaret opened it up.

"Dear Maggie. I hope you are not to disappointed. As you know, your daddy is busy and can't always make it home for the holidays. I hope you enjoy this. I do wish I could be there and remember, even though I'm not there, I love you. Merry Christmas. Love, daddy," Margaret said reading the letter out loud.

She just looked at it for a moment.

"That was the last Christmas that my mom was with us. It was the summer after this that she and daddy divorced," Margaret said.

Margaret put the letter down and then pulled out a charm bracelet. She held it up and then put it on and smiled at it. It brought back memories that made her feel better.

"This came with the jewelry box. I got this and Maria got two berets with diamond flowers on them. Whether or not they were real, I don't know, but they made her happy like this, real gold or not, it was a gift from daddy," Margaret said.

"It was hard not having daddy home for Christmas," Margaret said.

(_Margaret was seven. She sat in the kitchen as Marilyn cooked dinner. Maria was out in the living room looking over the presents under the tree. It was Christmas Eve night. Margaret looked up at her mother._

"_Mommy?" she asked._

"_Yes?" Marilyn asked._

"_When will daddy be coming home?" Margaret asked._

_Marilyn turned and looked for a moment. Margaret could tell that she was thinking about what she wanted to say._

"_Well Maggie," Marilyn started._

"_You know how daddy sometimes has to go away with out us?" she asked._

"_Yeah?" Margaret asked._

"_Well, sometimes he has to go away during important times of the year. Like your birthday or Christmas," Marilyn said._

_This was the first Christmas that she could remember her father not being home for. She was excited to see him. _

"_Oh," she said._

_Margaret got up and headed for her room._

"_Maggie," Marilyn said._

_Marilyn just sadly watched Margaret go up to her room. Margaret went upstairs and sat down by her window and stared down at the street, The snow lightly fell as she saw a car pull up into some one's driveway and people get out carrying suitcases and presents. She wanted badly for that to be her father. A tear went down her cheek as she watched._)

"That wasn't the last one he missed either," she said.

Margaret pulled a picture out and looked it over. It was of her at age seven with her family in a Christmas photo taken right before Alvin left. She looked at for a moment and then put it down with the letter that she had read earlier. The Margaret picked up the last thing inside her jewelry box. A letter. She unfolded it and read it out loud to Sidney.

"Margaret, we know that this can't be easy for you. Trust me, we can tell by the way you are acting. Also by the way you always bragged about your father. I just wish that there was something that we could do, but there really isn't. We sent away for this. Hope it helps. Signed Hawkeye and BJ," she read.

Margaret looked at it and then put it down on her cot along with the other things.

"And did it?" Sidney asked.

"Yes it did," she said.


	8. Chapter 8

8

It was now getting late. Sidney had been with Margaret for three hours. Margaret was starting to feel a bit better. Margaret could hear some sort of celebration going on over in the mess tent. Her guess was that it was some one's birthday.

"Now for the biggie," he said.

"I've heard you mention before that you usually adjust well to change," Sidney said.

Margaret just sighed.

"I guess. But I mean, we were constantly moving, I had to get used to it," Margaret said.

Sidney leaned in a bit.

"And didn't you have to get used to leaving dear friends behind, such as Joey?" he asked.

"Yes," Margaret said.

"And your mom?" he asked.

"Yes," she said.

"If you can adjust to life without your boyfriend or your mom, why can't you get over the fact that your dad died?" he asked.

Margaret had to think about that one. Sure, it was hard getting over Joey leaving, but many girls get heart broken by their boyfriends. It took some getting used to when her mother had left. But when she left, there was always this feeling that she would come back. That at any moment she could come through that door.

"I don't know. I guess because mom my could always come back, and she did to see us every once in a while. But my dad was always there. Maybe he was just such a large part of my life," Margaret said.

"He WAS a large part of your life. A father is usually a large part of a young girl's life. Most of the time what ever they say becomes law to them," Sidney said.

"Margaret, hanging onto something that was a big part of your life is basically living in the past. You need to move on. I'm not saying that you should forget about your dad, but I am saying that you shouldn't let some one's death ruin the rest of your life," Sidney said.

"Now doesn't every one grieve?" Margaret asked.

"Yes, but maybe for a week. You've carried it on for a few weeks," Sidney said.

Margaret had realized that he was right, but just didn't know how to do that. Her father had been a huge part of her life and there was no arguing that. It was almost like the first twenty years of her life just dying off. She didn't know what to say at this point.

"It would also help if you could open up to other people to. You don't have to be as open as you did with me, just enough to let others know what's wrong," he said.

Margaret didn't like the idea of telling others what her problems were. They were her own and nobody else's.

"I don't really care for that suggestion," Margaret said.

"You don't trust me?" Sidney asked.

"Not that, I just don't like sharing my problems with others," Margaret said.

"You don't trust them?" he asked.

"I'm just not used to it," Margaret said.

"Try it," he said.

"You'd be surprised at who would be willing to listen," he said.

"Just keep that in mind Margaret," he said as he left.

Margaret just stood there. She knew he was right. But how could she just start after all this time. There was still noise coming from the mess tent. She decided to go over there. As she walked into the place she saw people dressed up in what ever civilian clothes that they brought and getting drunk while dancing and laughing. She would have loved to join in, but her heart wouldn't be in it. She walked over and saw Hawkeye and BJ sitting at the table with beers in their hands.

"Hey," she said as she sat down.

"Hey Margaret," Hawkeye said.

"What are you celebrating?" she asked.

Hawkeye just gave her a look of confusion and then looked over at BJ.

"I don't know. What are we celebrating?" he asked.

"Beats me," BJ said.

"Hey Margaret, why don't you grab your self a beer and join in," BJ said.

"I don't know," she said.

"Still upset about your father?" Hawkeye asked.

Margaret just looked up at him. After everything she had gone through tonight.

"No," she said smiling.

"That's good," Hawkeye said.

"I didn't think that anything was bad," BJ said.

Margaret smiled.

"Sounds like something my sister would have said," she said.

"You have a sister?" Hawkeye asked.

"Yes, her name's Maria," Margaret said.

"I had an older sister, her name was Kelsey. I always had the feeling that she hated me," BJ said.

"I had no brothers or sisters," Hawkeye said.

"Maybe they just all ran away when you were born," BJ said.

Margaret just laughed. She did feel a little better. She got her father off of her mind, which was what she needed to do.

"You two," she said.

They both looked up at her.

"I never got the chance to thank you for the jewelry box," she said.

"Don't mention it," BJ said.

"We're just glad that you liked it," Hawkeye said.

"Thank you. I did," she said.

Margaret sighed. There was nothing to be upset about any more. What happened, happened.


End file.
